March 2016 – Jackson's Journey with Osteosarcoma

6 Month Ampuversary…feeling blessed!

3/21/16

Today is my 6 month Ampuversary as Maw would say & I’m still hopping strong. I continue to defy what the vets thought as far as my time & I’m living each day with Maw & Steve’s help to the fullest. My days are filled with the simple joys of sitting in the sun & smelling all that surrounds me & being with Maw of course is my favorite. In the morning if it’s nice out Maw lets me outside to be by myself & lay on the lawn to survey my turf & chew my sticks I’ve pulled out of the woods.
I love taking in all the smells, especially the smells of spring, birds chirping, squirrels running all about & feeling the warm rays of sun on my fur, it’s amazing in everyway! Maw’s been spoiling me a lot too bringing breakfast & sometimes dinner out to me so I can continue to sit in my glory. Then most days Maw puts my harness on & helps me in the back of the car & off to work we go. I love my routine she helps me up the stairs at the store & I lay on my comfy therapeutic bed dreaming of swimming in the ocean & chasing squirrels. I’m getting a little more uncomfortable at times because of the pain so I have to keep maneuvering myself on the bed & sometimes I find the hard floor feels good too. However, when Maw leaves I get unsettled, so I get up & go searching for her out of her office & into the main office usually plopping myself behind Jane’s chair so she knows I’m there. Lately I’ve been a little more daring, at times trying to go up the stairs by myself without Maw but she’s always there to remind me that I shouldn’t & can’t because I might hurt myself.

I’ve been much more vocal too, Maw, Steve & Jake call me T-Rex because when I yawn I make these long drawn out sounds telling them I’m tired or in pain but always reminding them I’m here!

Yesterday I got really unsettled as Maw got in the car & drove off with Grandpa & Nana, I starred her down with my eyes hoping she’d see that I didn’t want her to leave but she didn’t get it. Instead Steve tried to distract me but it didn’t work I followed the car all the way down the street & stalled when he tried to get me to go back in the house. I overheard something about Grandpa going in for surgery, but it didn’t matter I was going to miss Maw very much. Then tonight she made it all better & came home I started crying & whining trying to tell her that I missed her. She came right over & rubbed my neck & ears (even before hugging Steve) & whispered in my ear that she was sorry she had to leave but she had to take care of Grandpa. I was so glad Grandpa was alright & now my ampuversary day was complete Maw was home I was happy again & feeling so blessed to have such wonderful humans in my pawlife!

3rd Zoledronate Treatment…life gets better

3/5/16

Jackson had his 3rd Zoledronate IV treatment today and boy is he speaking to me loud and clear. In my last post I was having one of those periods in time when things looked bleak and life was uncertain and it was hard to keep the faith. As I stated I had been talking to Jackson to show me he’s ok and by God he’s telling me everyday that he’s just fine. The week leading up to today he slowly began to turn a corner, seeming to get stronger walking at times on his bad right front leg more and having lots more energy. He’s been wanting to sit out in the yard morning, noon and night if he could, taking all the sights and sounds in and back to his old antics of not wanting to come inside. He loves chewing his sticks and doing one of what I call the “Happy Dog Dance”, rolling on his back, all 3 legs flailing overhead. He’s been showing me everyday “Maw we can do this, I’m doing this and don’t give up on me” or this process. So we plunge forward taking all these days as little miracles from heaven and living…really living…rather than being stuck in the dreadful fear of the unknown and the thought of dying.

Today, I can sense Jackson is apprehensive like he always is as we wait in the room for the technician to come in with Dr. S. to check him out. We brought Steve with us who always has a calming presence for all, he’s my “Rock” and today I think Jackson feels the same. He sat behind him with his leg across his chest supporting him, yet also making sure Jackson didn’t move when they were putting the IV in or during treatment. We spoke with Dr. S about our apprehension with him losing muscle mass in his right front leg and not knowing if the treatments are working. We could always take another x-ray to see if there’s bone growth in the bad leg, but we both decide that this isn’t the best for Jackson as his previous x-rays have really caused a lot of stress on him and pain setting him back days. Dr. S. proceeds to tell us that we will gain a sense of how he’s doing from his actions on a daily basis. So we decide that since there continues to be no negative side effects to the Zoledronate we’ll keep moving forward.
Since the last visit they’ve allowed me to stay in the room with him while they put the IV in and administer the medication as this isn’t chemo and not harmful to me. The tech attempts to put the IV in his bad leg (wanting to switch each treatment from leg to leg), but not today it’s the 2nd time I’ve seen Jackson act aggressive because of the pain. He swung his head around so quickly with teeth barred at her ready to lunge forward, so nope that wouldn’t be the leg she would use today. The other leg was much easier and she made a note in his chart to always use the good leg from now on. The IV takes about 15 min. so we settle Jackson in on the comforter on the floor and Steve hold onto him with his leg. This gesture alone I think calms Jackson because instead of his usually panting and restlessness he seems a little more settled and the tech notices as well. I think I’ll be bringing Steve more often to our appointments as I’m sure Jackson is picking up on my anxiety for sure.

The rest of the day is uneventful and we head home bathing Jackson in treats, kisses, hugs and lots of loving. When we get home he goes right for his sticks and settles on top the hill enjoying the rest of the day in the sun! These are the dog days for sure and we are living them to the fullest!

3rd Zoledronate tx IMG_0967 — Jackson getting his 3rd Zoledronate IV treatment

3rd Zoledronate txIMG_0966

The spirit is strong, but the body is weak…

2/24/16

I’m trying to continue to be strong and positive, however in the last month it is getting harder for me remain this way the more I see Jackson become weak in his legs. I question if the Zoledronate is working and I can’t seem to get clear answers from our oncologist re: outcome measures, except that we’ll see improvement in his pain management. He’s supposed to get his 3rd IV next Saturday and I’m questioning whether or not to proceed with this course of treatment. What’s the alternative’s? – Nothing at this point.

His right front leg which is supposedly where the cancer has spread to is getting more lame by the day and it seems he’s lost a lot of muscle mass, making it hard for him to walk on it. The leg almost appears lifeless at times and he seems to just use it to for balance when trying to walk on his 2 left legs. Also, his only back leg is getting lame now too and at times seems to give out on him, so he just sits down and waits for me to help him up with his harness. Thank God for the harness, I don’t know what I would do without it, even though my lower back is definitely paying the price for helping Jackson in/out of the car and up/down the stairs it has been a godsend in this process. He seems to be tolerating the pain med’s which is good, but I wonder if they are enough and if he is in pain. I know in the past he’s been a stoic boy not wanting me to see that he is in pain and I know the tell-tale signs of pain, but still I’m not convinced he’s in more pain. Is this bad of me to try to convince myself otherwise?

I know I’m doing this for him (continuing forward with treatment options) and obviously for me too, but at what cost and at what point do I decide enough is enough? My vet told me about a month ago when I thought the time had come that I would know…he’d stop eating and other bodily functions would stop working…so I know we aren’t there yet! Jackson’s appetite is better now than before he had cancer and he’s alert sitting in the yard and chewing sticks all examples of living life. However, most days are spent sleeping on his bed as he continues to adjust his posture and position throughout the day to get comfortable. I’m still bringing him to work most days and have to help him up/down the stairs, but he seems to enjoy being with me, next to me and just being.

How much is he continuing on for me? I hate the idea of losing him and so I continue to have these thoughts a couple time a week and I continue to talk to him asking him to show me a sign that tells me he’s going to be ok and all of this is ok too.