Zoledronate – Jackson's Journey with Osteosarcoma

The spirit is strong, but the body is weak…

2/24/16

I’m trying to continue to be strong and positive, however in the last month it is getting harder for me remain this way the more I see Jackson become weak in his legs. I question if the Zoledronate is working and I can’t seem to get clear answers from our oncologist re: outcome measures, except that we’ll see improvement in his pain management. He’s supposed to get his 3rd IV next Saturday and I’m questioning whether or not to proceed with this course of treatment. What’s the alternative’s? – Nothing at this point.

His right front leg which is supposedly where the cancer has spread to is getting more lame by the day and it seems he’s lost a lot of muscle mass, making it hard for him to walk on it. The leg almost appears lifeless at times and he seems to just use it to for balance when trying to walk on his 2 left legs. Also, his only back leg is getting lame now too and at times seems to give out on him, so he just sits down and waits for me to help him up with his harness. Thank God for the harness, I don’t know what I would do without it, even though my lower back is definitely paying the price for helping Jackson in/out of the car and up/down the stairs it has been a godsend in this process. He seems to be tolerating the pain med’s which is good, but I wonder if they are enough and if he is in pain. I know in the past he’s been a stoic boy not wanting me to see that he is in pain and I know the tell-tale signs of pain, but still I’m not convinced he’s in more pain. Is this bad of me to try to convince myself otherwise?

I know I’m doing this for him (continuing forward with treatment options) and obviously for me too, but at what cost and at what point do I decide enough is enough? My vet told me about a month ago when I thought the time had come that I would know…he’d stop eating and other bodily functions would stop working…so I know we aren’t there yet! Jackson’s appetite is better now than before he had cancer and he’s alert sitting in the yard and chewing sticks all examples of living life. However, most days are spent sleeping on his bed as he continues to adjust his posture and position throughout the day to get comfortable. I’m still bringing him to work most days and have to help him up/down the stairs, but he seems to enjoy being with me, next to me and just being.

How much is he continuing on for me? I hate the idea of losing him and so I continue to have these thoughts a couple time a week and I continue to talk to him asking him to show me a sign that tells me he’s going to be ok and all of this is ok too.

2nd Zoledronate Treatment…staying positive!

2/4/16

Today was Jackson’s 2nd treatment with Zoledronate we saw Dr. S and he stated tonight they would be doing the treatment a little differently with a different kind of pump. He commented that we could continue with this treatment as long as Jackson was gaining some pain relief and it was improving the quality of his life. In re: to the supposed bone re-growth that it states it says it does, how do you measure this? Unfortunately I have noticed Jackson is losing muscle mass in the right front bad leg even though he continues to put weight on it, I’m cautious not wanting him to injury this leg further. So we’ll have to wait and see how round # 2 goes and whether it continues to help him.

Trying to keep Jackson comfortable before treatment begins

In the past they would take Jackson out of the room to place the IV and then bring him back in for me to be with him while he had his treatment, but tonight they stated I could stay if I’d like, which I decided would be a good idea from last time. This technician we had met one other time, so she was fairly new to us. She got Jackson to sit on a big comforter and began to set the IV in the left leg (the good leg), unfortunately she wasn’t able to get a good vein on the first try so she had to shave a 2nd patch of fur up the leg to get a better vein. He was such a good patient staying completely still while the other tech held him in place.

Once the IV was set she hooked up the Zoledronic acid and said it would take about 15min for the pump to administer the medication. She left the room and I tried to keep Jackson comfortable, yet he kept wanting to try to get up as I could tell he was uncomfortable panting and breathing heavy, all signs of distress. She returned to the room to check on us but as she looked at the pump she seemed a little perplexed and proceeded to get another technician from the hospital to come in and check on things. Come to find out she had miscalculated and set the pump using Dr. S. calculations, so it was dripping the medication at a rate that would have taken 5hours to administer, luckily the other tech. reset the pump and we were on our way. Phew thank God as I wouldn’t have wanted to be sitting their for hours.

Waiting patiently for the treatment to end!

Jackson 2nd Zoledronate tx 2-5-16.JPG3 Jackson continued to be unsettled and at one point he rested his head on my thigh and looked up at me something he’s never really done before. As I sit with him I try some Reiki thinking that might help him relax but this time it seemed to not help at all, he continued panting and feeling restless.

Once the treatment was over I went outside to get Jackson in the car and I proceeded to step in some other dogs poop, yep disgusting in every way it was all over the bottom of my boot, yuck!! Why don’t dog owners have the courtesy of picking up after their dogs? Anyways, it has been a long day time to head home and get some rest.

Complete Trust in Maw…

1/8/16

Last night Maw took me to the Dr. to get a new treatment to try to help me with my ouchies in my right front leg. I had to get an IV in my bad leg I didn’t like being there but I know she’s doing everything in her power to take care of me & give me the best quality of life, so I entrust my paw life to her. This morning maw lets me sit out on my hill overlooking the neighborhood & I love it taking in all the smells, I know the deer are out there somewhere I’ll just sit here and wait for them. Below are some photos that Maw took of me during my first treatment of zoledronate IV, along with some pawesome photos of me playing in the first snowfall this season with my new Pawz booties on & sleeping at work with my monkey!

Anxiously awaiting my first zoledronatetreatment — Anxiously awaiting my first zoledronate treatment

Maw with me while I have the zoledronate IV

The next chapter…Zoledronate

1/7/16

It’s a new year and bright things are on the horizon for Jackson & I as we continue this journey together. Christmas & New Year proved to be uneventful once Jackson got over his reflux incident he was so happy to see his cousins Roo & Tucker and hang with the whole family. His favorite was sprawling on the floor with my nephew Michael it was like old times when Jackson was a puppy!

Today we headed for our first appointment for Jackson IV treatment with Zoledronate. It’s a compound that helps with rebuilding the bone mass back in animals & in a few trials been known to reduce the size of cancerous tumors, even though this is not the reason for trying this new med out. Once Jackson diagnosis expanded to his right front leg we knew the treatment would have to change.

He was apprehensive upon going tonight so I tried to reassure him, but nonetheless he began panting & pacing all the things he does when he’s afraid & nervous. I put his new purple “Paws” ballon booties which have really helped him get around in the snow we got last week. Dr S. & Amanda came in to discuss the new treatment & Jackson practically bulled them over three legs & all. Since Zoledronate isn’t chemo I was told I could stay in the room while he had his 15min IV, so Amanda took him in the back to put his IV in & take a base line blood work. Then she came with him & he had a purple bandage with a pink heart & pink “J” on it to match his purple booties, so cute!

They got us comfy on the floor with blankets & I tried to relax Jackson petting his fur & telling him how strong he was, all the while he panted & was not a happy camper. The treateme went quickly & after I asked Amanda if it was common to give the treatment in his bad leg? She replied it was his good leg & I said no it wasn’t and she said left, right I guess I must of got them confused, yet not to worry as the next treatment which would be 4 weeks from now would be in the other leg, similar to chemo they alternate between legs. I trust her judgement and we check out & head home exhausted from our day.

Moving forward….Jackson 3 month ampuversary

12/21/15 We’ve made it to Jackson’s 3 month ampuversary, so proud of him & what he’s been through he’s such a survivor in every way! We are taking each day as a gift & a miracle that we still have this time together.

12/23/15

Today I got an email from Dr S. stating the Zoledronic acid has arrived at the clinic and I could come in tomorrow Christmas Eve for the first treatment, WHAT?! is he crazy this is the busiest time for me at my job as I’m in retail so I hunker down and decide to make an appointment for next week after the holiday, what’s one more week in the scheme of things?

In the meantime, Christmas Day I wake to Jackson licking the carpet and trying to get sick, yuck! I’m not sure what causes these episodes (he’s had them in the past), but it’s like acid reflux or something. It usually requires him to go outside & chew grass and get sick. So sure enough this is what we did, 5am walking down the street to chew grass (luckily there’s still grass, it’s been a mild winter in the Northeast) and yes he got sick twice. Then back home to try to rest before getting up for the holiday, but to no avail Jackson started gagging again, I feel so helpless as he looks like he’s having difficulty swallowing.
I decide to grab a pillow and blanket and settle Jackson under the Christmas tree trying to calm him down by petting and talking to him until we kind of fell asleep. I kept having morbid thoughts that maybe this was it, maybe he was trying to tell me he can’t go on anymore. It looked like he had labored breathing yet he then began to settle down and relax and I realized he was going to be ok as he closed his eyes. I knew he was thinking Maw was there next to him and I would always be by his side, no matter what lies ahead on this journey.