Jackson – Page 3 – Jackson's Journey with Osteosarcoma

The spirit is strong, but the body is weak…

2/24/16

I’m trying to continue to be strong and positive, however in the last month it is getting harder for me remain this way the more I see Jackson become weak in his legs. I question if the Zoledronate is working and I can’t seem to get clear answers from our oncologist re: outcome measures, except that we’ll see improvement in his pain management. He’s supposed to get his 3rd IV next Saturday and I’m questioning whether or not to proceed with this course of treatment. What’s the alternative’s? – Nothing at this point.

His right front leg which is supposedly where the cancer has spread to is getting more lame by the day and it seems he’s lost a lot of muscle mass, making it hard for him to walk on it. The leg almost appears lifeless at times and he seems to just use it to for balance when trying to walk on his 2 left legs. Also, his only back leg is getting lame now too and at times seems to give out on him, so he just sits down and waits for me to help him up with his harness. Thank God for the harness, I don’t know what I would do without it, even though my lower back is definitely paying the price for helping Jackson in/out of the car and up/down the stairs it has been a godsend in this process. He seems to be tolerating the pain med’s which is good, but I wonder if they are enough and if he is in pain. I know in the past he’s been a stoic boy not wanting me to see that he is in pain and I know the tell-tale signs of pain, but still I’m not convinced he’s in more pain. Is this bad of me to try to convince myself otherwise?

I know I’m doing this for him (continuing forward with treatment options) and obviously for me too, but at what cost and at what point do I decide enough is enough? My vet told me about a month ago when I thought the time had come that I would know…he’d stop eating and other bodily functions would stop working…so I know we aren’t there yet! Jackson’s appetite is better now than before he had cancer and he’s alert sitting in the yard and chewing sticks all examples of living life. However, most days are spent sleeping on his bed as he continues to adjust his posture and position throughout the day to get comfortable. I’m still bringing him to work most days and have to help him up/down the stairs, but he seems to enjoy being with me, next to me and just being.

How much is he continuing on for me? I hate the idea of losing him and so I continue to have these thoughts a couple time a week and I continue to talk to him asking him to show me a sign that tells me he’s going to be ok and all of this is ok too.

5 Month Ampuversary

2/21/16

Today is Jackson’s 5 month ampuversary and everyday has been a gift from God with him continuing to be in our lives. It’s amazing to think we’ve come this far and I hope we have many more months to be with each other! I feel so blessed to have such a gentle, loving tripawd soul who has enriched my life in so many ways and I know he knows he’s loved very much. He continues to challenge me everyday and has taught me about perseverance, resilience and having fun in the midst of life’s ups and downs. Hooray, Three Paws to you Jackson!

Jackson pre-cancer living life to the fullest!

Jackson still living everyday to the fullest!

Putting my best Paw forward…in the SNOW!

2/8/16

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…that’s what it seems to be doing the last couple of days. Today is an actual BLIZZARD as they call it and Maw left me home as it was to stormy outside to get me in the car. I got scared several times because of the wind, luckily she left me in her bedroom so that made me feel a less anxious and a little more secure. Thankfully Maw has been putting my Pawz rubber booties on which are helping me a lot in the snow from slipping & sliding. She bought some new booties the other day but the first couple of steps they fell off in the snow, so needless to say Maw wasn’t happy. Steve’s been super nice carving out paths in the snow with the snowblower so that I can walk around outside. However, I tend to like to walk the path less traveled…I like to prowl in the woods smelling all the critters that have left their prints in the snow. Maw’s super careful when I’m out on my excursions always close behind watching over me making sure I don’t get stuck in the snow after doing my business and calling me to come when I try to drift to far. I’d rather keep wandering, but I know better to come back and head inside to get warm. These are the days…eating snow, trying to catch snow balls even though I’m not as agile as I use to be and smelling all the life that surrounds me, this is living for sure!

Looking for some fresh tracks in the snow!

2nd Zoledronate Treatment…staying positive!

2/4/16

Today was Jackson’s 2nd treatment with Zoledronate we saw Dr. S and he stated tonight they would be doing the treatment a little differently with a different kind of pump. He commented that we could continue with this treatment as long as Jackson was gaining some pain relief and it was improving the quality of his life. In re: to the supposed bone re-growth that it states it says it does, how do you measure this? Unfortunately I have noticed Jackson is losing muscle mass in the right front bad leg even though he continues to put weight on it, I’m cautious not wanting him to injury this leg further. So we’ll have to wait and see how round # 2 goes and whether it continues to help him.

Trying to keep Jackson comfortable before treatment begins

In the past they would take Jackson out of the room to place the IV and then bring him back in for me to be with him while he had his treatment, but tonight they stated I could stay if I’d like, which I decided would be a good idea from last time. This technician we had met one other time, so she was fairly new to us. She got Jackson to sit on a big comforter and began to set the IV in the left leg (the good leg), unfortunately she wasn’t able to get a good vein on the first try so she had to shave a 2nd patch of fur up the leg to get a better vein. He was such a good patient staying completely still while the other tech held him in place.

Once the IV was set she hooked up the Zoledronic acid and said it would take about 15min for the pump to administer the medication. She left the room and I tried to keep Jackson comfortable, yet he kept wanting to try to get up as I could tell he was uncomfortable panting and breathing heavy, all signs of distress. She returned to the room to check on us but as she looked at the pump she seemed a little perplexed and proceeded to get another technician from the hospital to come in and check on things. Come to find out she had miscalculated and set the pump using Dr. S. calculations, so it was dripping the medication at a rate that would have taken 5hours to administer, luckily the other tech. reset the pump and we were on our way. Phew thank God as I wouldn’t have wanted to be sitting their for hours.

Waiting patiently for the treatment to end!

Jackson 2nd Zoledronate tx 2-5-16.JPG3 Jackson continued to be unsettled and at one point he rested his head on my thigh and looked up at me something he’s never really done before. As I sit with him I try some Reiki thinking that might help him relax but this time it seemed to not help at all, he continued panting and feeling restless.

Once the treatment was over I went outside to get Jackson in the car and I proceeded to step in some other dogs poop, yep disgusting in every way it was all over the bottom of my boot, yuck!! Why don’t dog owners have the courtesy of picking up after their dogs? Anyways, it has been a long day time to head home and get some rest.

Increasing the pain medication…taking it one day at a time!

1/28/16

It’s been almost 3 weeks since Jackson had his first zoledronate IV treatment and the subsequent fireworks night when we think he injured his shoulder/scapula trying to get up off the hardwood floors. After our meeting with Dr. K we ended up increasing the Gabapentin to 300mg every 8 hours and the Amantadine alternating 1-2 pills every other day and have kept him on the Rovera every 12 hours. We’ve been taking it one day at a time taking it real slow with re: to the prognosis of Jackson lameness in his right front leg. At first he was very tentative to put any weight on his rt front leg, just using it for balance when he tried to walk. Then you could tell he was trying to put more weight on it at various times. We’ve been feeding him lying down on his bed as he’s to unstable to eat standing up. He’s been using his tail a lot more as a rudder to help him with balance especially when he’s feeling uneasy under his feet. The increase in medication really seems to be helping him gain his strength back and feel more confident. Some days are better than others, but at least his appetite is still great and he seems to keep pushing himself forward continually teaching me about patience, honor and the commitment to continue on the path we’ve chosen together.

Jackson doing incredible in the snow, the booties are really helping him out!

Jackson checking out something he heard in the yard! You can’t take the greyhound out of him!