Month: April 2016

Reflections from the past 6 months…

4/2/2016

In the wee hours of the morning I’m awaken by Jackson needing to go outside to the bathroom (that’s the last time I don’t bring him out before going to bed).  Today marks’s the next phase for Jackson & us on this journey through cancer. I often thought of each part of this process as beign the most difficult time but in retrospect you realize that each phase builds upon the next, not knowing exactly when the end is near, but knowing it always lives close by.

I guess this is a lot like life, each of our experiences building on the next growing, learning, changing, challenging ourselves as humans in this world. For many of us this journey takes years for others it’s short lived. Either way the life expectancy of animals is a lot less in human years than most of us would like to experience. I’ve always known that a dog’s life is measured in dog years 7 human years = 1 dog year. Who came up with this calculation? Why can’t dogs live as long as humans?

In this last 6 months I’ve been much more present to the fact that a dog’s life is measured in the moments!  The chasing of a ball, the smell of a scent in the air, the nuzzling into the hand of their owner for a scratch behind the ear.  All these moments build on the next to create passages of time.   It’s this sort of singular time that if we just stop the busyness of our lives we can experience too. The funny thing is I’ve known this my whole life having grown up with dogs they have taught me so much about life. The lessons are abound; being in the moment, unconditional love, being an active listener, smelling life’s miracles, being active outside going for walks & swimming in the ocean, finding joy in the simple things & it’s always better to be part of a pack.

For some reason though we forget sometimes the true nature of the animal spirit that their souls live on in us long after they are gone from this earthly place.

I have experienced an array of emotions throughout this process with Jacskon, at times trying to prepare myself for the worst case scenario & at other times trying to live in the moment & fill our life with the simple joys.  It’s been a roller coaster for sure but I wouldn’t have changed a thing about the decisions we’ve made & the steps we’ve taken.  Our furry friends teach us so much if we just stop to listen to them, so we continue on one moment at a time, breathing, yawning and listening in the silence.  Remembering silence speaks when words cannot.

The next phase…after the X-ray

3/24/16

Today I took Jackson to my vet to check-in & see what she thought about Jackson’s right leg.  We haven’t seen her since January so I thought it was time to pay a visit & get her opinion.  I wanted to see if we could X-ray his leg, but I didn’t want to put him under to do it as I know that would cause him more stress.  Dr. K. has been great through this whole process & she has a way of putting things into perspective.  She took a look at the growth that has started to grow on Jackson’s outer right leg & agreed it was time to take a look.  In the last month or so the area in question would go from being swollen, to what seemed like nothing there at all.  In fact I thought & hoped it was inflammation of his joint, even though I knew this was the same leg in November that Dr S. had seen signs of more cancer.  I told her I would go into the X-ray room with him if this would prevent him from having to be sedated & she agreed that would be ok.  So I went with Jackson & got him situated on the table & then I quickly left the room while Dr K snapped the picture with a tech and then it was done.  In the next couple of moments while the X-ray images came up I waited with anticipation for what we would see on the films.

She identified that the right femur bone looked like it had moth balls in it, in fact its the cancer doing what it does best, eating away at the bone.  To the left of the bone though it looked like new bone growth & I wondered is this what we were seeing by the growth on outer part of his leg.  Her first thought is maybe this is the bone regrowing with the help of the Zoldronate, my hope indeed!  So the next step was to send the images off to Dr S. the oncologist to see if he confered with her hunch.

Later that evening…

After getting an email response from Dr S. I’m saddened to say he doesn’t think the new bone growth is from the Zoledronate treatment. Unfortunately He confirmed that their is definitely progression of the cancer, but the leg doesn’t look like it is fractured, which is good.  “The new bone growth is probably from the tumor itself, which can be both destructive & proliferative (it can eat up bone & lay down new bone where it shouldn’t be).”   This was the news I definitely didn’t want to hear, so we keep moving on one day at a time!